I'm So Glad You Called!

Below is my conversation, pretty much verbatim, with a telemarketer who called me today.

I've been getting lots of calls from telemarketers recently, because I had to get a business license last summer in order to teach children's improv classes.  Well, I never ended up teaching those classes (long story), but I did manage to become every telemarketers favorite business owner.  I usually miss these calls, because I'm at work, but I have today off.  So I took advantage of being able to pick up my phone.

Fyi, T is telemarketer, who had a Southern accent, just in case you were wondering.  And M is me. You should know I was speaking like a crazy person on happy-crack-pills. Enjoy!

T: I’m looking to talk to the owner.  Is this the owner?

M: Oooh! Owner of what? I own lots of things!

T: Oh, the owner of Inland Improvement.

M: Hmmm, I don’t own Inland Improvement.  But I do own Inland Improv! Do you still want to talk 

to me?

T: Oh. I’m sorry about that. Um, I’m Robin and I’m calling from 1 to 1 web solutions.

M: Ooooh! 1 to 1 web solutions!!  What’s that?!

T: Well, we’re the largest web hosting service in---

M: SHUT UP!!  THE LARGEST?!!  That’s amazing! How did you do that? The largest! In the world?

T: Umm, yes. Well, we offer web hosting for businesses like yours---

M: OH!! Web hosting?!

T: Yes, we create websites for businesses like yours.

M: OH! I want 70 websites!!

T: Uh . . . you want 70 websites?

M: YES! 70 websites! NO! WAIT! 700!!! I want 700 websites!!!

T: Um, well, ok, I’m sure that could be arranged.

M: Oh yay!

T: Well, ma’am, if you could go to join.me

M: I didn’t understand a word you just said. OH! Are you speaking Chinese?!

T: Um, no ma’am I am not speaking Chinese.

M: Oh, you’re not? I thought you were bilingual. Are you bilingual Robin?!!

T: No, I am not bilingual.

M: Oh, you’re not. So, then what did you say??? Tell me what you said! Hehe!

T: Um, well, if you could open your browser—

M: It’s open! It’s open! It’s already open!!! :-D

T: Uh, yes, well, please go to join.me

M: Ooooh, JOIN DOT ME! Fancy! Is that j-o-i-n-dot-m-e??

T: Uuuh, yes.

M: OOOOH!!! I’m on the website and OH! It looks like I’m on a FAST TRAIN!!!! AM I ON A FAST TRAIN ROBIN???!!?!?

T: No, ma’am you’re not. You’re not on a fast train.

M: OH!! I’M NOT?!?!?!?!?

Robin the telemarketer hangs up on me.

Who says sales calls can't be fun?